Creating your own Happiness.

Okay.. so who's ready for this heart to heart. I wanted to tell you guys some stuff about myself that I've struggled with, stuff that I've realized, and some stuff that makes me 100% happy. This post could be relatable, it could also have nothing in common with you but I thought i'd share a little about myself because, why not. Where my life started as an adult: So it all starts with high school, What college are you going to? What do you want to do as a career? Where do you see yourself in 3-5 years? Honestly, my answers to these questions never changed. I wanted to go to FIDM, (the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising) my heart was completely set on this. I wanted to be a wedding dress designer and wedding planner, and where I saw myself in 3-5 years was graduating FIDM, starting an internship, and living on my own. Obviously no one knows exactly the way their life is going to end up and no one can see into the future with 100% clarity of whats going to happen.  FIDM: Yes, I went to FIDM after graduating high school. Did I graduate FIDM? No. My experience going to FIDM was both amazing and dreadful. Im honestly not someone who makes friends easily and I'm definitely not a social bug. Like I said in my last blog post,  ( https://beingbrooks.blogspot.com/2018/03/anxiety.html ) anxiety has been something that I've had for years, especially during that time. I was right out of high school and being an adult was new for me and not to mention, school has always been hard for me. This is exactly why I wanted to go to FIDM because it was an Institute designated for specific degrees. The way I got into FIDM was in high school. I was in a club called FHA Hero (Future Homeowners of America) this club had competitions that helped students get into college or helped them direct their passion. I went into this competition for interior design, which is where I won a scholarship to FIDM, I was beyond words, I knew my dreams would come true by getting into this college and I couldn't wait. After graduating high school, summer came along and this is when I met Chris, we got together in September 2015 and my journey to FIDM was early October. Looking back now I can't put my finger on the specific reason I stopped going but at this time in my life, I had no car, still living with my parents and still working at my high school job. I lived in Merced and the college I was about to attend was in San Fransisco. There was struggle # 1, I wasn't emotionally ready and I thought I was more prepared than I actually was. The way I was getting to school was; driving an hour from Merced to Modesto at 3 a.m. to catch a bus, riding that bus to Dublin BART, getting there around 6 a.m. and then riding BART an hour to SF getting there around 7-7:30 a.m. while school started at 8 a.m. So struggle # 2 was that the commute was really tough and I couldn't drive myself to school because the lack of a vehicle. However, besides that I loved going there. The school was one of the smaller locations so it wasn't extremely over whelming. My first semester of interior design went by, and I had realized it wasn't what I wanted because I wanted to go towards Weddings. Durning my second semester I switched from Interior Design to Fashion Design, having to pull out a school loan on top of having my financial aide and my scholarship I won in high school. So time went by, I was blessed with a car and I was now driving myself to school still leaving at 3 a.m. considering the fact I moved to Le Grand. Long story short, my financial consilor told me that my scholar ship and student loan were both used up, my financial aide got cut off and I was going to have to start paying out of pocket. I was really struggling emotionally and with my education. Due to the emotional stress I was putting on myself I was starting to slack off in my classes, I wasn't getting any sleep and I wasn't eating. I decided to stop going, and that is where I beat myself up. No matter the circumstances, no matter how far or hard it was I should have never stopped going because I know now its what I really wanted to do and in that point in my life thats where I made a wrong decision. Every semester I learned a great amount of skills, and I really loved being there at FIDM and I would definitely go back in the future. What happened next: Well according to my previous explanation, at this time in my life I was not graduating FIDM, I was not starting an internship and I was not going to become a wedding dress designer or coordinator. I felt lost and worthless. I disappointed my parents by not graduating college I disappointed myself for not becoming what I dreamed of and all the hard work and struggles I went through were for nothing.  I was still working at the same job that was basically handed to me when I was in high school and surviving off of that. I felt completely dumb struck, and stupid for the decision that I made. This however, is where Chris helped me the most, he tried explaining to me that I was still the same person, my parents would still love me and he would still help me. My life wasn't over, it was just getting ready to start a new journey. 100% happiness: Chris and I are now living together, we've bought our own vehicle together, we have two fur babies and we're both happy. I started my blog at the beginning of this year and I am making and selling home decor locally and on my online store. Yes, I have made some wrong moves, I'm not a college graduate but being 20 years old, I am happy where I am in life. Ive learned to accept the decisions I've made, and move on with it. Like I said I can't see into the future but whatever happens I'm ready for it and I know that I'll be okay. What to do when you're feeling down: 1. Have a dance party 2. Do some yoga or workout to burn off your anger / anxiety / frustration 3. Listen to some upbeat music 4. Pamper yourself by painting your nails or doing a hair / face mask 5. Rearrange the furniture in your room / apartment 6. Try a new craft or DIY something 7. Nap it out, sleep works wonders 8. Make yourself something good to eat, healthy and non-healthy things both work (non-healthy is          my fave) 9. Watch old videos or look at old pictures, just reminisce 10. Treat yo self! Buy that certain something you've been wanting for a while 11. Have a picnic 12. Get something pierced  13. Hug someone or something (I normally just cuddle my fury children) 14. See the good outcome even in hard situations 15. Give yourself a photoshoot Even if you've made some stupid decisions or done some dumb things in life its okay as long as you know life goes on. Do something for yourself, do what makes you happy. In the end its your life and your happiness is what matters most. Happy Blogging. xoxo.